Conflict and The Confirmation Bias

Jonathan Haidt is a social psychologist, and a professor at the University of Maryland whose book The Righteous Mind seeks to explain why we get along with some people but not others. I saw him being interviewed by Bill Moyers and subsequently viewed a TED talk he gave in 2008.

Simply put, according to Haidt, we don’t get along with some people because we are afflicted with “confirmation bias” which means that “searching for the truth” mostly involves finding evidence to confirm what we already believe. Therefore, when we are in a conflict, we start from the premise that the other person is wrong and that if they had the information we have, they would see the error of their ways. This stops us from listening and propels us into some form of persuasion or intimidation or avoidance or anything but actually resolving our differences.

“Confirmation bias’ happens so quickly and automatically that it’s often a blind spot for us. We see other people and just know that our judgments of them are accurate.

We can get insight into the blind spots of our confirmation biases by noticing how other people react to us. For example, if the people around us are being defensive it’s a pretty good bet that we’re acting in ways that cause those people to think there’s something to defend. If the people around us are arguing aggressively, it’s likely they think they must do so to be heard. If the people around us are cooperative, it’s likely we’re acting cooperatively.

In our daily lives, this can have enormous implications for our ability to achieve results. For example, think of someone you are very close to and get along with easily. What adjectives would you use to describe that person?

Now think of someone with whom you’re in conflict and have been for awhile. This could be a customer who isn’t buying from you, a boss who won’t listen to you or a spouse or child who disagrees with you. What adjectives would you use to describe these people when you are in conflict?

Consider that the adjectives you used are examples of your confirmation bias and they are driving your actions and, therefore, your results. You find evidence to confirm why your dear friend can be trusted and you act accordingly. You find evidence to be wary of that customer, boss or spouse and that drives other actions and different results.

I’m going to suggest something that you may consider radical so I ask for your indulgence: There is no reality to the adjectives you used. These people are not actually the way you describe them. You have simply been living within your confirmation bias long enough to believe that your reactions are “the truth.”    

The most limiting confirmation bias of all is the bias we have towards ourselves. Just complete the sentence, “I am… to see the effect of the confirmation bias on your actions and what has been possible for you in your life.

Yes the truth shall set you free. We just have to get beyond our blind spots to find that truth.