Conflict Resolution Training: “Infinite Patience Produces Immediate Results”

The quote in the title is from Wayne Dyer. I never fully understood this counter intuitive comment until I read a remarkable book called Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Promote Peace... One School at a Time by Greg Mortenson. If you want to produce “immediate results,” read this book immediately.

The book tells the inspiring story of how Mortenson created a non profit agency that has built over 130 schools educating both boys and girls in areas of Pakistan and Afghanistan near where we are currently fighting the Taliban. The book’s title refers to a story Mortenson was told about how patience produces results especially when working with people whose beliefs, attitudes and opinions are different from our own.

Mortenson met a man in Baltistan, a remote region on the border between Pakistan and India who told him that building schools in that region requires focusing as much on relationships as on results.

”The first time you share tea with a Balti, you are a stranger,” the man said. “The second time you take tea, you are an honored guest. The third time you share a cup of tea, you become family, and for our family, we are prepared to do anything, even die.”

There are some obvious lessons in this for anyone interested in producing results especially with those with whom we may have a conflict:  

1.   Take the time to “share three cups of tea” with the people with whom we want to produce results. As Mortenson recommends, “Make building projects as important as building relationships.” Disagreements are more easily resolved when people have a solid relationship based on understanding.

2.   Take the time to listen to fully understand the values, beliefs and opinions of those with whom we disagree. As the man in Balltistan told Mortenson, “Respect our ways.” What goes around comes around. When we respect the ways of others, they tend to return the favor.

3.   Take the time to build rapport and trust with the people with whom we may disagree. All things are possible when people trust one another. Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor a school and certainly not anything that leaves a legacy of accomplishment. When people trust us, they may not die for us but they are certainly more willing to work with us. 

Threats, bribes and demands may produce short-term results. But if we’re interested in something that lasts for the long term and leaves a legacy for others, we must be infinitely patient and take the time to share “three cups of tea.”