Transforming Fear Into Excitement

When it comes to dealing with our fears of failing, sticks and stones may break our bones but words will really destroy us.

I broke my leg when I was 17 and it healed before I turned 18. I’ve had no adverse effects from that break.

On the other hand, what we say to ourselves can destroy our ability to achieve our goals and we may believe what we say to ourselves forever.

Imagine, for example, you’re about to pick up the phone and call someone for a date. You may notice that your heart is beating wildly, your palms are sweating and your muscles are tense. This is real fear, you may think.

Or imagine you’re about to talk to a roomful of strangers. Your heart may beat faster, your mouth may feel dry and your palms may sweat. If you could sense it, you might experience your blood pressure increasing, your muscles tensing and your breathing becoming shallow. This is real fear, you may think.

Or is it? Actually, we would experience the same physiological response if we were excited. For example, whether being on a roller coaster is fearful or exciting for us depends on how we label the experience. Two people doing the same activity may have totally different experiences based on what they call their experience.

Recently, a friend told me that he had always wanted to start his own business, but he was afraid of failing. How does he know it’s fear and not excitement?  Consider the possibility that it becomes fear when we label it as such and it’s the labeling that creates the experience, not the other way around.

The other day, I spoke to the Board of a nonprofit organization that was looking for ways to raise half a million dollars when, up until then, they had never raised more than 50,000. In order to do that, the members of the Board were going to have to be a lot bolder in their requests. They were going to have to call people they had never called before and they were going to have to ask those people for more money than they had ever asked before.

However several members of the Board told me (privately. They were afraid to admit so publicly.) that they were afraid to do so. How do they know it’s fear and not excitement? Consider the possibility that it becomes fear when we label it as such and it’s the labeling that creates the experience, not the other way around.

“Fear of failure” is brought into existence when we label what we’re feeling as fear. We call it fear and it is so. After all, “In the beginning was The Word.”

Don’t try to control you fear. That which we resist persists. Don’t try to change your fear. You will never “heal” your fear as you might heal a broken bone. Your fear isn’t real and that’s why you can’t “heal” it.

Give up expecting that, someday, your fear will disappear. Just get into action. Pick up that phone and make the call you’re avoiding. Ask for what you want. Be excited about delivering a presentation.